i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
