The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
