i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
