So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
