there was a trapeze. enough said
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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