For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
