i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
