come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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