Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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