I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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