I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
