She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
