i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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