It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel