Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
