i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept