More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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