i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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