Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
