I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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