I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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