Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
