sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
