he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
