...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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