Umm I'm too high to move.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
