I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
