Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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