Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
