Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
