Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
