respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
