you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
