the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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