I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
