I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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