I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
