Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
