wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
