Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
