One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
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Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere