It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom