my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.