He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.