just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW