Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
