I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
