I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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