dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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