1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dating After Heartbreak
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker