Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*