It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
