so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
