well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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