hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
