Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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