How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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