If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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