i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
