ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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