well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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