Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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