So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
