i think i have two assholes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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