I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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