Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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