She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
