Having a random hookup so left but love u
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
