currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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