I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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