I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
