She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
