he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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