Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
