Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come share oat with me in your robe
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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