So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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