I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
