I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
