paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
