So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
