Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Your cock deserves a montage
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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