She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
