M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
